1000 gifts

So much to catch up on!


one hundred twenty-one.

A beautiful day in Detroit to run the marathon relay and family to cheer me on.



one hundred twenty-six & seven.

Really good conversation with Kevin about parenting and "Where the Wild Things Are," both of which helped me let go and feel peace about Ellary's emotions.

one hundred thirty-five.

My mom's visit: endless kisses and love for Ellary, delicious time in the kitchen with me, and clean baseboards.



one hundred thirty-three.

Fall moments with Ellary.




one hundred thirty-eight & nine.

Grace for arrogance, insecurity and listening to myself talk. Repentance and peace.

one hundred fifty-seven.

Living here.





one hundred fifty-eight thru sixty-five.

More CSA bounty:

pumpkins
butternut squash
delicata squash
acorn squash
rutabaga
sage
rosemary
garlic

1000 gifts (Blessing Permanence)

At least two people are considering making 1000 Gifts apart of their blogs, but more importantly apart of their lives! Here's more on why it's changing my life:

Just as my daughter is developing a sense of object permanence (the understanding that something or someone continues to exist even if they're not with her), I am developing "blessing permanence." God's loving gifts continue to flow in, and I don't need to grasp at or cling to them, as if they are the last taste of a good thing I will ever have.

And I've been convicted by Him that I want to choose my blessings. I want my life to look and feel a certain way (most often because I'm comparing it to someone else's). Instead of relishing the simple gifts that He lavishes on me, I am discontent and covetous. Even worse, I manhandle my life, as if I could somehow create my own blessing.

God wants me to live my life, the one He authors. It will be and is far more lovely than anything I can come up with on my own.

eighty-four.

Another heavenly walk: crisp fall air, bright blue sky, studded with white clouds, orange trees.

eighty-five.

Distant deer in the field.

eighty-six.

Three gray herons together.

eighty-seven.

Rocking my sweet girl to sleep; we are both at peace.


I'm almost to 100!

1000 gifts (Invitation)

thirty-seven.

The laundry basket full of clean baby clothes and shoes.

thirty-nine.

Sweet potatoes baking.

forty-five.

Cold feet under warm covers.

forty-eight.

My daughter's first efforts to stand on her own.

forty-nine.

Moonshine on feathery clouds: October dusk.

fifty-one.

Kevin's lumberjack look: flannel shirts and beard.

***






Are any of my blog buddies looking for something to do on a Monday? I was just telling Kevin last night how much this discipline of gratitude has already meant to me. As I've been keeping track of all the little moments of grace, joy and worship in my life, I've noticed that they linger longer. Which in itself is such a gift [#52], because in the past, joy was bittersweet and much too fleeting. The second I felt true happiness, I was already mourning the imminent loss of it. Now I say what I always should have said: Thank you, Jesus. And the joy sticks around, because I'm worshiping its Source.

I would wholeheartedly love to know about the grace and joy in the lives of others too! Take it as a challenge from me--I don't think you'll be disappointed.

sometimes

Sometimes you spend a full hour trying everything to get your baby to sleep, except the most intuitive solution, at which point you realize she is hungry.

Sometimes you clip a chunk out of her tiny little thumb while trying to trim her fingernails.

Sometimes you spend all morning staring at the computer instead of relishing every moment of her fleeting infancy.

Sometimes you watch placidly as she slowly teeters backward to collide headlong with the floor. You wonder why you just stood there.

Sometimes you just never get around to actually strapping her baby seat safely to the chair.

Sometimes you even warm up her food in a plastic bowl in the microwave.

Did you know, just the same, that you are a good mother?

if you're interested

I wrote out the story of Ellary's birthday here.

It's rather long and probably not everyone's cup of tea, so I figured I'd keep it off the main page.

sixteen

This "Sixteen Random Things About Oneself" meme is going around Facebook. Thought I'd post mine here as well.

1. I may be able to tell you about your personality simply by observing your hand gestures. Not always--but most of the time. I got into the science of personality (mainly Myers-Brigs) thanks to the Boese family and then again when I spent some time in counseling, where I realized that I had been trying very hard to act out of a personality that was not my own.

2. Speaking of personality, I've got quite the quagmire going on. I'm creative, but I'm not productive. Got lots of half-finished projects around here and MANY ideas trapped in my brain with little hope of release. Poor things.

3. Speaking of ideas, I'd really like to be a writer. As in, it's my job. I get paid to write.

4. Speaking of writing, I have a blog. You are welcome to view it: http://meghanlou.blogspot.com. Hey, thanks for stopping by!

5. Speaking of blogs, I've got a nasty habit. I currently have 48 sites on my blogroll. I've also recently become mildly obsessed with Twitter.

6. Speaking of nasty, I'm already sick to death of this clever little "speaking of" gimmick I was trying out.

7. If I could have my way, I would live in Lafayette Park in downtown Detroit, and once the Dequindre Cut is finished, most days I'd walk to Eastern Market or the river with Ellary in the Moby wrap or her stroller. (This life can currently be seen lived out at Sweet Juniper. Guess I'm not that creative after all).

8. Ironically, I almost have my way, considering I live on the Northside in Ann Arbor, and I walked down to the river with Ellary in the Moby wrap a couple days ago. The Farmer's Market is just a few blocks further. I LOOOOOVVVVEEEE Ann Arbor and would miss it very much if we move to Detroit.

9. I might be a feminist, but not in the traditional sense of the word. I'm not really sure. I think women are the bomb-diggity. I could talk all day about this. Sub-topics: "On the Ability of a Woman To Carry a Child Inside of Her and Then Give Birth To It," "The Importance of Women Leading Relationally In the Church," "My Beef With The Pill," "Why There's a Good Chance Any Gift You'll Get From Me Was Made By a Co-op of Refugee Widows," and "Don't Even Get Me Started On Abortion; I Am Not Happy." This will be my only controversial random. Most likely.

10. I'm a total sucker for golden retrievers, and I have a special voice for them.

11. I'm currently reading a fantasy novel by Robert Jordan and loving it. I mention this, because I am learning not to be embarrassed about it. Up till now, I am sorry to say that I have been nothing but pretentious about my literary preferences. Turns out one can let one's guard down and find joy in the pages of a hideously illustrated, shiny-gold-entitled paperback.

12. Sushi! Sushi sushi sushi! Sushiiiiiiiiii!

13. I'm on Zoloft for postpartum depression. I mention something semi-private like this because I think it's important for women to discuss what this phase of life can be like. Maybe it's because many mothers forget about the hard parts, but I don't feel that I was sufficiently warned. I'd like to be there for people who are also struggling. You go, Brooke Shields!

14. No really, my baby actually IS the cutest.

15. Most of the furniture in my home is from Ikea. It looks like a stinkin show room in here.

16. My husband handled baby duty tonight and brought me dinner in bed. You can imagine what kind of guy HE is.

ellary lynd

I've been spending a lot of time working on her new blog, which will be an awesome way for all our far-off friends and family to follow her as she grows up. You are welcome to join us there.

I have some things I'd like to write about on this blog, so I'll be back. This has been the craziest experience of my life, without question. More to come...

photo and design by Jenni Sternberg

just the two of us

Things will never be quite the same.

Lazy Friday Mornings: sleeping in, sitting around doing nothing until Kevin comes up with a plan (cause heaven knows I never will), working out with all the seniors at Washtenaw Rec Center, doing some laundry, reading at Borders (magazines for me, Tom Clancy for him)

Drives Into Work Together: timing the Wall Street shortcut perfectly, grumbling at the idiots who can’t figure out the left turn lanes on Glen, repenting, pounding fists when Kevin makes a particularly gutsy and successful maneuver, morning sports talk or BBC News Hour

Coffee at Sweetwaters: reading the newspaper, my feet up on Kevin’s legs (which take up all my foot space anyway), side comments about how much we love Ann Arbor, parking tickets, side comments about how annoying parking is in Ann Arbor

Long Road Trips: sour patch kids and reese’s pieces, energy drinks, worrying about what’s in the energy drinks, Harry Potter, cursing at the funky cruise control, tensing up at the wheel during rainstorms

Late-night Conversations with the Invisible Baby: telling her about our days, describing what life might be like for her out here, coaxing her to move around a bit, exclamations about all the resulting flailing, the difficulty in grasping that this is actually happening, dreams, fears, prayers

in the meantime

I'm currently in that ultra-awkward waiting phase. If I let myself think about labor and delivery or the bringing home of a child to live with us permanently, I'm pretty darn scared. But generally, I am trying to keep busy. Oh, and I also pray sometimes.

Jenni recently started her own photography/design business, which is SWEET!! She came by to take some ("absolutely no cheese") preggy photos, and I am pumped about what she created. I especially like this one that she photoshopped.

this went a different direction that i was expecting

I am thankful for my Abba’s grace, that he’s not disappointed in my lack of thankfulness, that his kindness leads me to repentance.

I am thankful for my baby girl, whose unplanned presence in our lives is a perfect one. I do not believe that a planned child is more important than an unplanned child under any circumstances, and never will.

I am thankful that God has given me the privilege of bearing and raising a child. I know he values the role of a mother far beyond what we’d expect, and that every pregnant woman is BLESSED.

I am thankful for my husband, who is currently installing the car seat, who has given me backrubs when he’s exhausted, who has dedicated himself to becoming an excellent birth coach, who taught me from the beginning: “This little zygote is a gift from God. It’s gonna be great.”

I am thankful that I can cast every anxiety on God, because he cares for me.

My life is dramatically good, and I know not everyone’s is. But we have a God who is strong. We have a God who loves us, and he knows what we need.

I am thankful that his kingdom comes and is coming.

getting used to being up

5:50am.

turns out most of my neighbors leave their porchlights on all night.

the silence is not at all frightening, but deeply calming, which is interesting, since i was the little girl who was afraid to be the last one awake at sleepovers.

eight months ago, i was up scanning the internet in search of an explanation for the way i was feeling.

right now i'm up drinking some water and eating a sandwich, waiting for these now-familiar contractions to subside.

soon i'll be up rocking and feeding my sleepy little baby girl, listening to lullabies.

disconcerting

Today, Krysta posted this link to some free music:




So far, I am enjoying me some JJ Heller; however, I decided to putz around on her website and found her blog. Turns out she's due to have a baby girl six days before me, and she has graced us with some lovely photos of her nursery (compliments of Lovely Little Things). If you're interested in decorating, you should really check it out.





Forgive me for feeling slightly deflated when I contemplated the current state of things in my own little girl's room:





Yikes. It's not even the right color.

a little dream psychology

I had a dream about the little lady last night. There were some strange elements—I came to the hospital to have a baby but didn’t feel or remember much of anything until she was born. She was absolutely beautiful but was somehow already able to walk. The most disturbing part was that I never established any sort of real attachment to her. I kept leaving her behind and forgetting about her, and I had this intense anxiety that I had entirely missed my chance to bond with her. Here she was, already walking, and I didn’t even know how to feed her.

Except for the fact that she was a drop-dead gorgeous baby, I think this might be categorized as a nightmare.

Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of the necessary research on labor and delivery, and I feel convicted by my dream--that maybe I'm becoming paranoid and not trusting God. Information is good, but I can't let it make me worry. Prayer would be good. Yes, maybe I should go pray. Ok, I'm gonna go pray now.

at which point, life changes drastically (yet again)

Wow. March 28th. That's kind of ridiculous.

But guess what? I have the best excuse ever!!

Baby Armstrong decided to make his/her presence known on April 7, after which I stopped posting, because I didn't really feel like writing about some random thing going on in my life, when the fact is: aaaaahhhhh!!! I'm having a baby!!!!

In case you interpreted that "aahh" as "Yippee, this is so exciting, and I'm experiencing maternal bliss!"--well, that's kind of true to a certain degree, but it's also: "Wow, I feel like crap and I want to sleep all the time, and this is not what I was planning for my life, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it."

In reality, the last three months of my life have been some of the hardest ever. Since finding out, we 1) had to go to the ER, got diagnosed with a "high risk" pregnancy (which later turned out to be a mis-diagnosis), 2) went to Kenya for two weeks, which consisted of me spending most of the time on the couch and/or losing my mind, 3) left three days after our return from Kenya for LT in Virginia Beach, and 4) got adjusted to the violent mood swings, nausea, cravings for ranch dressing, and extreme fatigue of a pregnant woman in her first trimester. Whoa.

Life has leveled out significantly, and I am now one excited mama. I've been feeling the baby move for the first time this week, which is nuts! I am now at the beginning of the 17th week, and here is a photo for your viewing pleasure, taken right before heading off to a sweet fireworks show (there were local and professional shows up and down the beach, so it felt like we were actually in the middle of the fireworks). I'm not actually this big all the time, but we had just eaten a crazy good meal, ala Bobby Flay (Kevin's new muse).






Hey there, little person.